Dear Boss,
My husband and I just found out that I’m pregnant, after trying for several years! I’m extremely excited but also realized that I have no idea how to announce this at work. I’ve only been at my company for about 18 months, and in that time no one else on my team has had a baby, so I’m not sure how this is normally done. I vaguely remember people doing it at previous jobs, but I never paid attention to how they announced it or even when in their pregnancy we were told.
Complicating matters (maybe), I’m a manager, and so in addition to having to tell my own boss and my peers, at some point I need to tell my team, too, and they’ll probably have their own set of worries about what it means for them when I’m on leave: Who will be filling in, how things will be handled while I’m out, etc.
I’m also a little worried that this isn’t great timing. One of my counterparts is out on a long-term medical leave, and my boss’s workload has been higher as a result. I know she’ll be happy for me, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not exactly welcome news from a workflow perspective.
Anyway, what’s the etiquette here? When do I announce, who do I tell first, and what else do I need to know?
Congratulations!
First, the short answer: wait until your second trimester (unless you can’t — more on that in a minute), tell your boss first and then your team, and don’t feel like you need to have your maternity-leave plans set in stone when you do.
Now let’s take these one at a time.
1.
Wait until your second trimester, unless you can’t.
Because of the risk of early miscarriage, most people wait to announce their pregnancies at work (and in general) until they’re past the first trimester. There might be other reasons to wait, too. For example, if you’re in line for a raise or a promotion, it might be safer to wait for that to be finalized before you share the news. It would be illegal for your employer to consider your pregnancy in those sorts of decisions, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, even unconsciously, and you might want to ensure there’s no chance it will get factored in.
In other cases, though, sharing the news earlier can make your life easier. If you’re struggling with morning sickness, for example, it might be simpler to tip off your boss and/or your team just so they understand what’s going on. (If you do that, you can ask whomever you tell to keep it to themselves for the time being.)
2.
Tell your boss first.
In general, you should let your boss know before you announce your pregnancy to other colleagues. Because your maternity leave will affect your work and your team, your boss has a legitimate interest in hearing it from you first rather than through the grapevine. Plus, if you tell other people first and the news starts to spread, your boss may understandably feel awkward asking you about it, but just as uncomfortable about not being able to begin planning for your absence.
If you work in the same office, tell your boss face-to-face. (Otherwise a video or phone call is fine.) When you do, keep it brief! Say you have some happy news, make the announcement, and share your due date. It helps if you’re ready to discuss your preliminary thoughts on when you might start and end maternity leave and coverage while you’re gone, but you don’t need to address every detail at this stage — there’s still plenty of time to plan and it’s okay not to be certain of your plans yet.
If your boss says anything implying she’s not thrilled about the timing, be prepared with a response like, “It’s definitely a big change, but we’re very excited!” The idea there is to nudge her into remembering that this is good news and that the social contract requires her to respond accordingly. And keep in mind that your employer’s preferences and needs really, really don’t get a say in your reproductive choices, and it would be wildly inappropriate for your boss, or anyone else, to imply otherwise.
3.
Tell your team next.
Do you have a weekly team meeting or any other regularly scheduled time when you gather with all your direct reports? If so, that’s the perfect occasion to announce your pregnancy. It could be as simple as saying, “I have some personal news to share. I’m pregnant, and due at the end of November. In the coming weeks, I’ll have more info to share about my maternity leave and the plan for coverage, but for now I just wanted to share the news.”
If you don’t have regular meetings with your whole team and there’s no obvious place to do this, you can put it in a team email (if that wouldn’t be weird in your company’s culture) or you can tell people individually. But if you tell them individually, just make sure to talk to all of them within a day or two, so you won’t have a situation where some people know and others don’t, rumors start circulating, and the people you haven’t told start wondering why you haven’t shared the news with them.
4.
It’s okay if your plans aren’t set in stone yet.
If you’re not exactly sure yet what your plans are regarding maternity leave, it’s okay to say that you’re still figuring things out. Obviously you can’t keep saying that forever — you’ll want to have a plan in place at least two months before your due date. (And make sure to check with HR for any official deadlines related to setting up your parental leave.) But it’s absolutely fine to make your initial announcement without a detailed transition memo in hand.
Also, even if you’re considering not returning to work once your maternity leave is over, it’s smartest to proceed as if you are returning unless and until you become 100 percent sure that you won’t. Things change, and it’s much harder to announce that you’re staying home indefinitely and then change your mind than it is to change your mind in the other direction (planning to stay but then announcing near the end of your leave that you won’t be returning).
For what to know and do next, read this guide to maternity leave in the U.S.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com (and read our submission terms here).
