My dog’s name is Peter. His size is medium. His sex is male. According to the law, his owner is Kelly Conaboy, the creature writing these words to you right now. According to Kelly Conaboy and what feels like common sense, however, Peter is not an owned object; he is a sentient being, charming and shy, with feelings, needs, and motivations all his own. I am thus not his owner but instead his … well, that’s the difficult part. Which word, of the many alternatives, should I use instead?
The move away from the term owner in the animal-caregiver world started well before I adopted Peter seven years ago. Kitty Block, CEO and president of the Humane Society of the United States, says the organization uses terms like caregiver and guardian but is cautious about rejecting owner altogether because it is legally important. “Animals’ status as property remains one of their primary sources of protection under law,” Block says.
In This Issue
Is My Cat a Prisoner?
Some people say they’re their dog’s person with the respective collective noun being dog people. Jessica Pierce, author of Run, Spot, Run: The Ethics of Keeping Pets, has used guardian for a number of years but still finds it a bit forced and legal sounding. While fur baby and pet parent are well intentioned, she doesn’t much like those, either; they can be patronizing, she says, and let humans overlook the possibility that animals have minds and opinions of their own and the ability to consent or not.
“The term I’ve started using more and more is simply friend,” Pierce says, “especially when talking about my own dog, Bella, but also in broader conversations.” She acknowledges that it’s an imperfect term capturing only one facet of the human-dog relationship but says it feels less one-sided than the other possibilities: “I like to think — though maybe I’m wrong? — that friend is how Bella would describe me.”
“I don’t think there is any language that really works well, and none of the common terms roll off my tongue easily,” Pierce continues. “This linguistic unease seems healthy and appropriate because we’re crossing species boundaries and human language just can’t quite cover the gap.”
Susan G. Friedman, an applied-animal-behavior analyst and professor emeritus in the Department of Psychology at Utah State University who personally uses the term caregiver, points out that pet and command are undergoing similar overhauls and are now sometimes replaced with companion and cue. These verbal changes, she says, can affect both your own behavior and the behavior of those listening to your language choices. “If you think of emotions as infused in action instead of separate from action,” she says, “and language as action, then there’s a lot of potential for people to feel differently about something they consider a pet versus a companion, something they command versus dialogue with, and something that is a thing to be owned.”
For a while, I used owner to describe my relationship to Peter despite its feeling incorrect. It just seemed like the most straightforward way to get the point across. The shift in the way I think about Peter since I’ve stopped using it has been small but meaningful. I don’t look at him lounging on the couch and envy his comfortable life; I’m curious about what he’s feeling and whether he feels comfortable at all. I understand he’s doing his best and that I will no doubt fail him while trying to do mine. I’m perhaps not his dog mama, but I’m certainly his friend, his person, his guardian, and his caregiver. And I’ll stay that way until a better idea comes along.
Is My Cat a Prisoner? And other ethical questions about pets like …
➭ Are We Forcing Our Pets to Live Too Long?
➭ Am I a Terrible Pet Parent?
➭ Why Did I Stop Loving My Cat When I Had a Baby?
➭ What Do Vets Really Think About Us and Our Pets?
➭ Was I Capable of Killing My Cat for Bad Behavior?
➭ Should I Give My Terrier ‘Experiences’?
➭ Is There Such a Thing As a Good Fishbowl?
➭ Do Runaway Dogs Deserve to Be Free?
➭ Are We Lying to Ourselves About Emotional-Support Animals?
➭ Does My Dog Hate Bushwick?
➭ How Agonizing Is It to Be a Pug?
